My idea is to add a missing scene in which Romeo realizes that Juliet's family would not allow her to marry him. As a resolution, Romeo would personally meet up with Capulet and attempt to convince him to allow him to marry Juliet.
(the day after the party in which Romeo met Juliet)
SAMPSON and GREGORY enter. (in the streets of Verona)
GREGORY O look here, 'tis a dog of Montague.
SAMPSON It looks as if he is coming our way.
GREGORY Draw thy sword, we must be set for quarrel.
SAMPSON Doth thee forget the warning of the Prince? We must abide his warnings carefully Or we shall suffer great consequences.
ROMEO approaches.
ROMEO Good ‘morn, fellows, how do you fare today?
GREGORY Pray thee not feign such insincere kindness. Tell us directly what you seek of us.
ROMEO I come to you seeking a kind favor. My heart has fallen for one thou know well. In fact, my love is thy master’s daughter.
SAMPSON Zounds! Surely, you do not love Juliet!
ROMEO Ay, ‘tis true, this fair maiden stole my heart.
GREGORY Well, do not waste thy time, it cannot be. Our master shall not allow such a thing.
ROMEO Ay, I am aware. But do not worry, I have a solution. I need thy help. This is the favor I seek of you two: Thou must approach thy master, Capulet, And thou must help me arrange a meeting. I shall convince thy master of my love. And I shall ask him to let me marry His dear beloved daughter, Juliet. Pray thee, help me win the love of my life.
SAMPSON I refuse to help one of Montague. But, luck is with thee, here is Capulet, Ay, he is approaching right this moment. Anon, we shall leave thee alone to talk. Goodbye now, let us depart, Gregory.
(SAMPSON and GREGORY exit, CAPULET enters.)
CAPULET Why art thou conversing with my servants? Art thou trying to commence a quarrel?
ROMEO No, sir, on the contrary, actually. I would like to discuss thy daughter's hand --
CAPULET (interrupting)
Halt! Hark my words, impudent imbecile! Do not even dare to discuss marriage. My Juliet shall not marry thou, Nor shall she marry any Montague.
ROMEO Pray thee, sir, I love thy daughter dearly. Let us be, and I will love Juliet As the sun loves day, as the moon loves night. Let us be, and I promise thee, kind sir, She shall never feel lonely in her life.
CAPULET The nerve of thou insolent Montague! To even think that thou may have a chance! She is the hopeful lady of my earth, The thought of her being wed to you dog, I cannot bear to think of in my mind.
ROMEO
Pray thee, Capulet, just listen to me. Thou cannot tell two lovers to divide, The attraction between us is too strong. I love her, and I know she loves me too. Who better to marry Juliet than I?
CAPULET Thou are not Juliet’s only suitor. Paris, a noble man, also wants her. Thou doth not compare to this noble man. He and Juliet will make a great pair. Doth thou think yourself as superior?
ROMEO Ay, I am forsooth the better option. My love for her is incomparable. What doth Paris have that I cannot gain? Soon, I shall acquire my father’s wealth, And I shall have more fortunes than Paris. But Paris shall never gain as much love, For my love for Juliet is unmatched. That is why thou should give her hand to me. Farewell, and pray thee, consider my words.
(exit)
To start, your use of Shakespearean vocabulary is used correctly and the scene is written very well. My only concern is with the concept. I'm not sure if Samson and Gregory would agree to letting Romeo meet with Capulet rather than fighting him or ignoring him all together. Just something to think about. -Demur Vixen
The Vocab that you used was incredible good. I also think that you got the characters personalities correct and that thats what they would actually say. In the beginning you used thee and thou but sometimes you would use you instead. Also the plot did not really go anywhere. The scene was the same in the beginning as it was in the end. Overall the story was great and sounded just like Shakespeare.
Ballet Slippers
I agree with Demur Vixen and Ballet Slippers. I thought it sounded very Shakespearean I'm not sure that Samson and Gregory would actually act in such a way. -MintCandyApple
(the day after the party in which Romeo met Juliet)
SAMPSON and GREGORY enter.
(in the streets of Verona)
GREGORY
O look here, 'tis a dog of Montague.
SAMPSON
It looks as if he is coming our way.
GREGORY
Draw thy sword, we must be set for quarrel.
SAMPSON
Doth thee forget the warning of the Prince?
We must abide his warnings carefully
Or we shall suffer great consequences.
ROMEO approaches.
ROMEO
Good ‘morn, fellows, how do you fare today?
GREGORY
Pray thee not feign such insincere kindness.
Tell us directly what you seek of us.
ROMEO
I come to you seeking a kind favor.
My heart has fallen for one thou know well.
In fact, my love is thy master’s daughter.
SAMPSON
Zounds! Surely, you do not love Juliet!
ROMEO
Ay, ‘tis true, this fair maiden stole my heart.
GREGORY
Well, do not waste thy time, it cannot be.
Our master shall not allow such a thing.
ROMEO
Ay, I am aware. But do not worry,
I have a solution. I need thy help.
This is the favor I seek of you two:
Thou must approach thy master, Capulet,
And thou must help me arrange a meeting.
I shall convince thy master of my love.
And I shall ask him to let me marry
His dear beloved daughter, Juliet.
Pray thee, help me win the love of my life.
SAMPSON
I refuse to help one of Montague.
But, luck is with thee, here is Capulet,
Ay, he is approaching right this moment.
Anon, we shall leave thee alone to talk.
Goodbye now, let us depart, Gregory.
(SAMPSON and GREGORY exit, CAPULET enters.)
CAPULET
Why art thou conversing with my servants?
Art thou trying to commence a quarrel?
ROMEO
No, sir, on the contrary, actually.
I would like to discuss thy daughter's hand --
CAPULET (interrupting)
Halt! Hark my words, impudent imbecile!
Do not even dare to discuss marriage.
My Juliet shall not marry thou,
Nor shall she marry any Montague.
ROMEO
Pray thee, sir, I love thy daughter dearly.
Let us be, and I will love Juliet
As the sun loves day, as the moon loves night.
Let us be, and I promise thee, kind sir,
She shall never feel lonely in her life.
CAPULET
The nerve of thou insolent Montague!
To even think that thou may have a chance!
She is the hopeful lady of my earth,
The thought of her being wed to you dog,
I cannot bear to think of in my mind.
ROMEO
Pray thee, Capulet, just listen to me.
Thou cannot tell two lovers to divide,
The attraction between us is too strong.
I love her, and I know she loves me too.
Who better to marry Juliet than I?
CAPULET
Thou are not Juliet’s only suitor.
Paris, a noble man, also wants her.
Thou doth not compare to this noble man.
He and Juliet will make a great pair.
Doth thou think yourself as superior?
ROMEO
Ay, I am forsooth the better option.
My love for her is incomparable.
What doth Paris have that I cannot gain?
Soon, I shall acquire my father’s wealth,
And I shall have more fortunes than Paris.
But Paris shall never gain as much love,
For my love for Juliet is unmatched.
That is why thou should give her hand to me.
Farewell, and pray thee, consider my words.
(exit)
To start, your use of Shakespearean vocabulary is used correctly and the scene is written very well. My only concern is with the concept. I'm not sure if Samson and Gregory would agree to letting Romeo meet with Capulet rather than fighting him or ignoring him all together. Just something to think about.
-Demur Vixen
The Vocab that you used was incredible good. I also think that you got the characters personalities correct and that thats what they would actually say. In the beginning you used thee and thou but sometimes you would use you instead. Also the plot did not really go anywhere. The scene was the same in the beginning as it was in the end. Overall the story was great and sounded just like Shakespeare.
Ballet Slippers
I agree with Demur Vixen and Ballet Slippers. I thought it sounded very Shakespearean I'm not sure that Samson and Gregory would actually act in such a way.
-MintCandyApple